


These Jagged  Shards (Are pieces of my heart)

by kalia941



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Destructive Behaviour, M/M, Mentions of attempted suicide, Smoking, Stiles POV, and jumpy, mentions of self harm, really short, scott is not really present, set after springbreak and they find derek, stiles/lydia/danny brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:26:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1646969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalia941/pseuds/kalia941
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles isn't coping. He is making dumb choices. One of them turns out to be what saves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Jagged  Shards (Are pieces of my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a really weird thing that happened at one am because of reasons involving a comment made by Jeff Davis, my own brain and a few to many vodkas. Feel free to hate it.

He has no clue what he is doing really. Every night when he leaves, drives around town for hours and hours until he is to exhausted and to close to turn home. It's always the same thing. And Derek is always up, as if he is just waiting for him, staying awake till he can be sure Stiles is safe. It means nothing though, not really. Just because Stiles has trouble letting Derek out of his sight ever since they got him home. Just because Derek doesn't lecture him for smoking, pulling out a lighter and offering him a light instead. Just because there's a side of Derek's bed that smells like him and a pair of his pajama's under the pillow, not that he ever wears them. It doesn't mean anything because it can't. And stiles is okay with that. Really.   
His dad knows something, but he doesn't comment on it. Stiles is waiting for it. For the questions on why his bed is never slept in anymore. On why he never sees Scott, never complains about his best friends puppy like idiocy. It doesn't come and Stiles wonders if his dad gets it. Gets that stiles has nothing in common with his friend. With his brother. Gets that Lydia and Danny are the closest to him now, after all Lydia knows exactly what it feels like to loose your body to something else. Danny goes wherever Lydia does these days. Now that they know he knows. Mostly he just wonders if his dad sees the cuts his sleeves occasionally reveal. The gashes that started out as shallow scratches and became ragged gaping wounds. If he does he doesn't say a word, so Stiles assumes he doesn't. Scott's dad is back too. Douchey as ever but trying, which is more than he had before so there's that. If not much else. So his summer passes like that. Long nights of just driving back roads, radio blaring old rock songs he doesn't really like but drown out his thoughts, Moments of mumbled half truths whispered into the dark of Derek's loft as they trail hands over each other, days with Lydia and Danny, the drag queens from jungle taking him shopping for clothes he likes and wears. It seems like everything has its place and so he realises that everyone else has their shit together. Except him. He thinks maybe that is how it will always be and that hurts. A pain so raw and real in the centre of his chest that he can't breathe and has a panic attack that lasts an hour. He makes the choice that night. There's a bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom, left over from just after the Nogitsune possessed him and he couldn't sleep. He downs nearly all of them, one after the other. He blacks out halfway through and when he comes to he forces himself to swallow more. Everything goes fuzzy then. His room spinning maniacally and the sound of his dads cruiser in the driveway a foggy moment of panic. Then it goes black and he feels nothing. 

They say his lucky. Over and over and over. His dad cries when he thinks Stiles is asleep, clutching the bed spread and Stiles' hand like that can keep him there. Scott is there so much Stiles starts to forgive him, slides his jello over to the other boy with a small smile. Lydia screams at him for twenty minutes, her make up ruined and Danny holding her up as she walks out, shoulder shaking. It's Derek who refuses to leave his side though. Derek who doesn't cry, doesn't berate him or give him sad, pity filled looks. His dad gets angryfirst, demanding the werewolf leave but Derek just shakes his head, his green/brown/blue eyes shut as he sits beside Stiles, tracing soothing circles into his hand. Derek who sneaks him out for a smoke and holds him as he sobs out everything. Derek who crawls into his bed every night, warm and unshakeable. Derek who whispers his name over and over and over as he traces the lines from his collarbone to temple, his shoulder to wrist like Stiles is something breakable. Derek who tells him stories about Laura and the rest of his family, earning a real honest laugh. Derek who says things like "I love you" and "Please, I can't lose you too" into his chest as he clings to him.   
It's Derek who brings him back. Forces him to fight back when he has too, makes him smile and laugh. Derek who pulls his broken pieces into a vague shape that resembles a human and super glues him back together.   
He has no clue what he is doing, but now he knows what he has to lose if he leaves. And so he drives, ten fifteen minutes till he stands before the man he loves, and he tells him.


End file.
